Update: Mother's Day is Sunday. A sharp postal clerk (who herself is a mom) quickly pointed that out as she was upselling me on gift-wrapping and faster delivery service. You can downplay most major days of the year but never Mother's Day.

Here's one of my favorite classic songs on Youtube by The Intruders dedicated to all moms all over the world called I'll Always Love My Mama.

Feature Article: Persuasion or Manipulation?

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Heads Up...

The San Diego chapter of the National Speakers Association is holding its 3rd Annual School of Public Speaking. If it's anything like the one from last year, it will be a spectacular event designed to sharpen your speaking skills. And you get to rub elbows with professional speakers from various trades.

This fabulous showcase of speakers has spoken around the world, in major corporations and in various medias. They include some of the biggest names in the industry. Check out this brochure for more information.

Persuasion or Manipulation?

Dear Associate,

Jimmy told the story about his mom who was in the hospital fighting for her life with cancer. During his speech he kept bringing the audience back to share in his sadness. Especially the day she expired. The room got so quiet you could hear yourself breathe.

Then he concluded by directing the audience to select and then wear either a white or red rose from a box being passed around. Wearing the white rose signified that your mother was still alive, while the red meant she was not. When that box made its way to me I quickly passed it to the next person in protest, without taking a rose.

All I could think of was Homey don't play that.

Because it had been quite some time since I felt such blatant manipulation. The speaker just wanted to mess with our minds, to get us teary-eyed, ready to empathize and sympathize with him. Then he wanted us to wear his badge of honor in the form of a fake rose so he could clearly see how many people he had pulled the wool over.

Why am I being so harsh?

Because if you speak, you'd never want to be labeled a manipulator. Your credibility will be on the line. And you probably won't receive a return engagement.

Jimmy had brought us to a sad place. And left us there. People were uncomfortable. There was barely anything significant for the audience to come away with.

Besides being manipulated — I felt violated and insulted. Almost like getting slapped in the face. I granted him my time, but what he did was perform emotional surgery on me. I would have walked out if I had to listen to anymore of his sad story.

But you don't have to buy into anyone's hype. You can arm yourself by listening and observing beneath the surface. Here are five sure-fire signs you're being manipulated:

1) Heavy emotion. Emotion is necessary in communicating any message. Too often we lose focus from an overabundance of logic. But if there were very little substance to substantiate the emotion, I'd search for hidden agendas.

2) High pressure. Advanced salespeople are good at this. They warm you up and quickly lead you down a path and into a corner. Then they dissect you, motivate you, and make you feel really good about your purchase or decision.

3) Feel good. Watch out for people whose mission is to make you feel wonderful about yourself. Because if they succeed — then your guard comes down. Suddenly you become more receptive to buying that yacht you didn't plan on getting.

4) Crocodile tears. Be careful of this one. Sometimes tears come from the heart. But sometimes tears come from practice. It's wise to listen to a sob story fully and objectively while keeping your distance.

5) Rotten feeling in your gut. I once signed a huge banner with scores of others that meant absolutely nothing to me. I was protesting silently because this action was more symbolic than substantial. But because many others were watching, I felt I had to comply. It didn't cost me one penny to sign it, but I paid for it with some lost dignity.

There's a fine line between persuasion and manipulation. It's up to you to decide where that line falls. Avoid getting snookered.

Warm regards,