Communicating
with Ease
Dear
Associate,
My
Sicilian neighbor Linda Atkins walks the park where I do my
morning cardio. We get together when she walks her final lap
to touch base on the latest developments. She may not know
it, but she challenges me to become a world-class communicator.
Thank God she's not charging me.
Competent
communicating is one of the most powerful business skills
you can possess. In our hi-tech age where e-mails, voicemails,
and teleconferences have made us regress into the safety of
our cubicles—many of us have lost our edge when it comes
to face-to-face communicating.
If
you're looking to advance your career, get promoted or graduate
into leadership, then you'd want to brush up on your communication
skills. Even in social settings like company mixers, corporate
parties or going out on a date requires you to be an adequate
communicator. Besides, who wants to be labeled a social klutz?
Let's
concentrate on three vital communication keys:
1)
Mutual eye contact. This is probably the most important
key to master. Your eyes tell the other person(s) more than
you think. They testify that you're paying attention, or if
you're in disagreement. Or denial. And if properly applied,
they have the power to connect you on a deeper, intimate level.
They show the other party that she matters.
We
had five first-timer guests in my speech workshop. They went
up front and two of the five had a rough time giving gentle
eye contact. This created a noticeable disconnect. If you
were in our group you'd probably wonder if they were speaking
to you, the wall or the space between our bodies.
If
you avoid eye contact with the other party, they're going
to wonder if you're paying attention. Perhaps thinking you
have something to hide. Or maybe misreading you as being rude
or standoffish.
When
Linda and I talk, we commit to mutual eye contact. Because
we're walking we usually watch the path, but we reestablish
temporary eye contact frequently. If not, the stories begin
to lose their impact.
One
of the toughest obstacles people struggle with is to continue
eye contact while dealing with distractions. Traffic, dogs,
cell phones ringing and rambunctious children can often lead
you to lose concentration. The solution is to tune them out.
2)
Reading your audience. These are the non-verbal signals
people note and file in their memory banks about you. And
vice-versa. Reading their body language reveals if they are
interested in what you have to say or if you're losing them.
If
you smile, hold a confident posture with your body facing
(even leaning slightly) into the other party, nod your head
and use arm gestures—you come off as credible. Believable.
Interested. And trustworthy.
If
you sway, rock to and fro, look like you're suffering from
neck pain, jingle coins in your pockets, yawn, fold your arms
or turn your body away—you appear disinterested. Bored.
Nervous. Insincere. And lacking integrity or authority.
When
Linda and I stop to speak, she always squares her body to
mine. She doesn't dance or play with her hair. She pays full
attention and I reciprocate.
3)
Feeding the thread. Sorry guys: the ladies have this over
us hands down. It's the way we're designed. Women can take
thirty minutes to say the same things men do in five. In general,
they (women) are better conversationalists.
A
simple communication code to remember is: women speak in color
while men speak in black and white. They use both hemispheres
of the brain while men hover on the left. When I see two or
more ladies in deep conversation I've learned one life-preserving
maneuver: Don't interrupt.
When
Linda and I are in conversation, I notice I want to pursue
another subject while she wants to pull me back. Acknowledging
her Sicilian bloodline, I pull back until it's safe to change
course. She discusses the details, feelings, and paints a
vivid picture of the thread. The challenge is to continue
the thread or smoothly take it into a completely new direction.
One thing you want to avoid is to end it abruptly.
For
the best teachers in this area listen to talk show hosts and
celebrity interviewers. They have this magical ability to
continue the thread or drive it into another direction. Avoid
those ego journalists who are focused on themselves.
Good
communication is really that easy. It requires that you pay
attention and get away from self. It's more giving of you
than receiving for yourself. And once mastered people will
say, "Me too!" instead of "So what?"
Warm
Regards,
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