The
Seduction of Emotional Copy...
Dear
Associate,
ABC
Company has sent you a one-page prospecting letter. It's an
invitation to a workshop. It opens like this:
"Dear
Mr. Yan,
"My
name is Jane Doe. I am writing you today as a representative
for ABC Company. ABC is a company specializing in the technologies
and tools used to organize and manage information relating
the organizational aspects of businesses. I have decided to
serve on the Board of ABC Company this year to follow my heart
and dreams, and do my part in making technology solutions
available to small and medium sized business. It is my belief
that solution providers (not just ABC Company) will start
delivering Enterprise Content Management (ECM) and IT solutions
in a manner that is easy for users to implement, and at a
price that is affordable to organizations of all sizes."
What's
wrong with this opening paragraph?
There's
no benefit, no purpose, and no excitement. It's long, dry,
and doesn't stir your senses. It targets too huge a group
instead of pinpointing one or three segments of the group.
In short—it's painfully boring and won't bring home the
bacon.
Let's
continue on with another two paragraphs from this actual promotion...
"On
Thursday, November 9th, 2006, ABC Company is organizing, for
the first time, an event designed specifically for small and
medium size business. On behalf of the ABC Board, I would
like to invite you to join us at this chapter meeting. This
meeting will provide you with the basics of ECM, and will
also provide an interactive session where you may discuss
your company's IT requirements to many solution providers.
"In
addition, many organizations in San Diego are being invited
to this event and you will find this the perfect opportunity
to network with other successful businesses in our community."
Okay:
that's enough. I'm sure you got it because you didn't get
it. I didn't either.
Are
you familiar with Microsoft Word's Office Assistant? When
it's incoherent to what you're typing—it scratches its
head in confusion. Well, haven't you been scratching your
head?
Because
I bet you're still wondering:
What
is ECM?
What can it do for me?
What is your definition of affordable?
Why is Jane (following her heart and dreams) important to
me?
Aren't there other technology solutions providers?
Can Jane give me something more concrete than her belief?
I
don't know...
Because
her letter raises more questions that are never addressed.
And it's sad to say, she will attract a majority of the wrong
audience (networking junkies) to this event.
Dear
reader, I hope you are savvy enough not to send your letters
out as Jane did. It's lifeless, doesn't grab you by the jugular,
or compel you to respond. It doesn't shout, "Hey mister,
you really need this!"
Its
major downfall is that it's full of logic. Which misses the
mark because people make decisions on emotion. Then support
that decision through logic.
Here's
what Jane could have written:
Have
You Profited from the Internet Revolution?
"Dear
Tommy,
"The
Internet is raking in millions of dollars for big companies.
And with today's advanced technology, even a housewife in
Oshkosh, Wisconsin can market her goods worldwide. Which begs
me to ask...
"Is
your company getting its slice of that delicious Internet
pie? Or will you bury your head in sand waiting for the Internet
to crash?
"If
you think the Internet will be around well after you've retired—then
it's time to shift your company into hyperdrive at our next
Enterprise Content Management Summit. We'll show you the ins
and outs of making money on the Internet because we've helped
large companies land on sure footing after making the jump.
We'll also help you blah, blah, blah..."
See
the difference?
You
can create more compelling copy by painting word pictures
and lacing it with emotion. You'll get lots better response
and make more money too.
Warm
Regards,
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Tommy Yan helps business owners and entrepreneurs make more
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