Update: Martin and Micaela exchanged their wedding vows in a small church last Saturday. I watched from midway down the aisle. The minister closed with, "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

It was a quaint, traditional celebration without the usual hoopla you'd see at a first wedding. They broadcasted taped music with a live vocal duet harmonizing a love song in place of Here Comes the Bride. The camera girls were kind of cute as well as the flower girls. There was a brief reception next door following the ceremony.

It's been over twenty years since I attended one of these gatherings. (Don't ask me why.) When I walked through the front doors I had to ask the usher which side I was supposed to sit. Bride on the left — groom on the right was his answer.

I didn't know. But I did know whom to ask. That's key: Life works better when you know whom to ask.

Feature Article: Asking the Experts

Resource: War of the Roses

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Warm and Tasty...

I'm hosting a mini-breakfast for a meeting this Friday for roughly 35-50 people. Usually the host brings a variety of juice, bagels, fruit and finger food. I decided to make scrambled eggs, diced potatoes with a few hot links as the main attraction with cereal, yogurt, juice and a fruit platter on the side.

I made my shopping list and ran through each cooking step in my mind. I'm ready. But something kept nudging me to call a veteran host, Don Thomas for some advice.

Here's what transpired...

He asked me how I was going to keep my eggs, links and potatoes warm while transporting them from the house to the meeting. Wouldn't Tupperware do? He said definitely not. When other hosts brought room temperature egg dishes that were supposed to be warm to the meeting, it didn't go over very well.

That's when he informed me about the benefits of a crock pot. It can keep those eggs and taters warm and tasty. It wouldn't have gone well for me serving room-temp eggs. It pays to know who to ask.

Asking the Experts

Dear Associate,

Have you ever been in a situation where you were looking for a fulfilling answer? An answer that lies hidden until the right person calls upon it? Everyone you spoke with gave you an answer that led you down similar paths, but you were looking for a clearer, more revealing, and a more concise path no one else was pointing to.

A few months ago I gave what I thought was an excellent presentation in front of my speaking peers. My audience and I experienced humor, pathos, a dynamic opening, a body full of examples, and an inspiring close. My topic about overcoming fears created a mini-buzz of excitement among my peers.

A few of them came up to me afterwards offering comments. They were generous with their compliments. I basked in their praises for the moment, but I was very interested to find out what I could do to improve.

So I focused in on Melissa Crothers. Her comments always hit the mark. She has a way of giving feedback that is both inspirational and educational. She sees and senses personal strengths and weaknesses the ordinary person would miss.

"Melissa, what did you think," I inquired.

She smiled and answered, "You were wonderful. You have a way of bringing out your stories. You have improved so much."

I pressed for more, "What should I work on?"

She gave an intent gaze and then remarked, "Try projecting more confidence."

"Huh," I asked myself. "What on earth does projecting more confidence look like?"

Apparently looking confident and sounding confident were not the same as projecting confidence. That's why brilliant radio personalities oftentimes fall short in TV Land. They can sizzle behind the mike — but fizzle in front of a camera.

"You'll get there one of these days," Melissa continued. "Watch your video at least three times. It will give you more clues. You can see what needs more work."

Don't you just hate it when people do that? You're dying for a quick solution but they give you homework instead. Yet she was right as usual.

Evidently projecting confidence is not something that can be learned overnight. It takes deleting bad habits you didn't know you had and shifting to a better set of disciplines. It involves being humble, removing your ego, with a willingness to improve.

Good news...

After a recent speech my peers told me "You've got it." As to what "it" was that I got, they couldn't pinpoint it. They suggested I continue whatever "it" was I was doing.

I believe one speech does not tell the whole story, but it does gauge personal progress. And thanks to people like Melissa who are the mentors, the real experts who share their expertise. They care enough about others to make a profound difference. It's good to know who to ask when you're in want. It's good to ask an expert.

Warm regards,

Is Your Significant Other Thinking about Another?

Each morning the local Oldies Station investigates possible cheaters with a live series called War of the Roses. Women write in asking the DJs to call their man. The DJs call offering complimentary flowers to anyone the guy chooses.

They often catch guys sending a dozen red roses to another woman while their significant other listens silently, often in disbelief, on the other line. Suddenly the silence ends and a heated discussion erupts. Listen in as women sought the experts.