Update: This 4th of July was a chance for me to catch up with some old acquaintances, make new ones and enjoy everyone's company. Michelle Paulus really knows how to entertain her party guests. She served homemade Mexican food with burgers, hot dogs and salad.

It's her birthday this weekend and I've decided to send her a rather provocative cartoon birthday card because she's a cool lady and won't take it the wrong way. It features a man and a woman in tattered clothing on a wooden raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by hungry sharks. The man has made a suggestion and is grinning at her.

The woman has shock painted all over her face as she exclaims, "I can't believe you'd even ask... Don't you ever think about anything else? Besides, we did that on your birthday last year."

I'm off to a Woodstock party this Saturday. Now I don't know much about Woodstock but I guess I'd have to look like I want to get arrested in order to fit in. The things I do to work on my social skills.

Guys, next week looks pretty hectic—so I'll see you in two. Ciao!

Feature Article: Playing the Power Position

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Apology Not Accepted...

I was corresponding by e-mail with Sylvia, a post doctorate foreign researcher from Europe, about an upcoming event we're doing together. At the end of her message she wrote, "Sorry, my English is too limited."

I began my response with, "Your English is fine." Which was true. Sylvia works in the science field where everything must be exact, with no room for error. And when she isn't sure her English is absolutely correct, she apologizes ahead of time.

I'm guilty of butchering the English language like most people from the States so I won't hold anything against her. What I will hold against her is the fact that she is too quick to apologize. That's a sign of weakness in a person. She's giving her power away.

The next time I hear her apologize for her English (and I know she will) I'm going to tell her to, "Stop it. Don't apologize anymore. You'll improve." That's all she needs to know for now.

People who know and love you will accept you the way you are. You don't have to advertise your blemishes. Stay in the power position by not promoting them.

Playing the Power Position

Dear Associate,

There are really only about two ways to navigate through life. The first is the power position: operating from confidence, strength and potency. The other is the weak position: operating from neediness, insecurity and desperation.

At an evening party Yelena, a scientist from Moscow whined about how cold it had become because the fog rolled in. This get-together was in San Diego, California—not Mother Russia. It only dropped a few degrees. Five at best... ten at worst.

She's always the first to voice how cold she is. She put on her sweatshirt and even stepped indoors for a while. The same scenario had played out at other engagements I've seen her at.

For instance...

The constant complaining about the bitter temperature drop. The warnings about being in the sunlight. (She has always been pale.) And then pestering me about why won't I join her group of friends for salsa dancing?

Listening to Yelena is like listening to a broken record. And the more the record plays, the more I want to make for the nearest exit. As you can tell, she is not operating from the power position.

Here's what we know...

Once you appear needy, or want something too badly, you forfeit your strength and give up your power. Someone else is in control of you, the situation you're in, and the end result. In short, people will see you in a darker light.

Contrary to Yelena, my friend Paul is quite the opposite. He's not the James Bond gentleman type of a guy—but more like the Bad Boy type many women are drawn to. As long as I've known him, he has never been boring or predictable.

He engages you in a conversation. Then he keeps throwing curves at you. One question after another. I've watched him literally make a woman he's never met put at ease, lower her guard and almost in pursuit mode. He's a master at what he does because he maintains control.

Part of his secret is that he doesn't allow others to control him. His entire make-up, ego and self-worth doesn't hinge on what you think about him. Women naturally perceive him as stronger, more confident and more desirable. He operates from the power position.

Let's ratchet this to the business level. Here's an example of playing the power position...

If you're a business owner and a potential client wants you to lower your fees for whatever reason—resist the temptation. You've set your fees accordingly to what unique value you bring to the marketplace. Reducing your fees hints that you've overpriced your value. Of course you should have a list of happy client testimonials on hand to give weight to your unique value.

Even if the competitors in your industry have all dropped their fees, you can create a bundled package as a premium for using your services or buying your product. You can include a coaching program, a bonus work manual, and a half-hour teleconference call included with your offer. Be creative here.

The secret is to give more value than your competitors without reducing your fees. Another high value secret is your bundled products point to other products, programs or services you offer. This keeps you in their consciousness, increases your perceived value and keeps you in the power position.

Get it?

If you appear desperate and needy, the marketplace will know. Avoid showing that weak position. Stay in the power position by brainstorming ways to outmaneuver, outsell and outvalue your competitors.

Warm regards,